Ending life is so much easier than running away. I know you've probably thought about it and agreed. But another thing that you might agree with as well is that you can not imagine what your family and friends will go through. You know the family that has been around but not completely and the friends that sincerely care for you and what they will put up within the coming months will definitely great. And that is the only thing keeping you on earth. But they are, also the people who is trying to kill you.
Today and yesterday have made me feel utterly miserable.
The biggest reason of all is because that family I’m suppose to have with me backing my back is not there. They are, but not when I need them emotionally, not when I need them family-wise. Instead they find the easiest way to break me down and get me thinking about ‘death’ again. I don’t know how they do it, but it works every time. I just automatically break down, cry for hours on end, over analyse something and then death. It’s so shit that I can’t even pull the words together and explain my compacted emotions.
But you know, don’t worry. I’ve thought about it millions of times and how I would do it. I’ve never gone through with death however {reason why stated above} and this time, is another time that I’ve only gone as far as thinking about it.
I just wish my death was accidental, not suicide. Motive being is that no one would claim it their fault because it was ‘accidental’ nothing was intentional. But nothing will come my way
